it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
