marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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