I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
