Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
