fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize