having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hippo gnu deer
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
