So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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