I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We smell like vodka and hangover
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