SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
