my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
two words: eviction party
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
