I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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