im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
