Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
