my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
