Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
