How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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