do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
