So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
