they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
