There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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