Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
