i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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