I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
