Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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