He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
