I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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