Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
