i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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