so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
