Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
