My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
