I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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