We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
