you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
