to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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