I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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