I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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