I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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