my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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