just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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