yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
