you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
