Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
