he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Did I show you my penis last night?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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