One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
