who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
