a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
