we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This toilet bowl is my home.
that may or may not have been my penis.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
