I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
