Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
