it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
