worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
