She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize