Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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