Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
did i walk over a car last night?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
