drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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