Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize