Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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