Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
