Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
