Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
