***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
