At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
