Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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