I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
