New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
