Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
