We won't sleep together?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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