update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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