Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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