Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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