update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize