with your own penis?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
