I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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