i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
