after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
