Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
