i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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