Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
