I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You are the jesus of drinking
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
