Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
