I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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