So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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