I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
