i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
