I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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