I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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