i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize