I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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