My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
