***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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