I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
