I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
