So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
