i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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