All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize