You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
