The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
