end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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