So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
