Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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