I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You made out with two different species that night
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
