i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Randomize
