He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
