Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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