1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
