why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
