I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
