Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
