did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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